Sunday, May 30, 2010
344. @ 1:06 am
You know that's not the same.
It's precisely why our conversation and argument started in the first place.
343. @ 1:04 am
"You cannot draw near to someone who always tries to find your faults." - Pastor Prince
Thanks for not even saying goodbye :)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
342. @ 11:27 pm
I think I bottle too many things up because, when I start to pour everything out, I really do explode - worse than the popping of corn, worse than the release of a champagne cork, worse than the eruption of any volcano at all.
341. @ 10:36 pm
I am facing a war of my own.
Something so internal, nobody will ever realise; where Jesus is my only solution - whether you choose to believe it or not.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
340. @ 12:12 am
Sometimes, when others hurt me then tell me sorry as if one word of apology can erase every previous damage they've caused, I don't see the need to forgive them because the cut would have already scarred me for a lifetime.
But then I remember what Jesus has done for me at the cross and I don't know what to do because most of the time I don't believe my heart is as magnanimous and capable.
But I still try. I forgive.
Then I get taken advantage of again.
And again.
Friday, May 21, 2010
339. @ 11:55 pm
I don't like it when people don't reply texts which are meant to gather a response because acting that way is against my morals and something I particularly feel is extremely impolite.
I don't like the way pessimistic people annoy the heck out of me when I try to lighten the mood by acting very understanding and cheerful while they just hide in one corner, figuratively, wallowing in their own misery and blaming everything on the innocent ones like me.
But, most of all, I don't like it when people lie to me so obviously just because they're seeking for attention while the normal thing for me to do is to believe them and leave them alone - something they'd get irritated and agitate themselves with whereas others would eye them in puzzlement, wondering why they say one thing and mean the other.
Well, it's alright and it's too late because, honestly, I stopped caring a long time ago when I realised that nothing would change until I changed myself - which is precisely what I did.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
338. @ 5:52 am
One day, when someone presents me with a sweet, tantalising and aromatic delicacy, I'd like to be able to confidently say, "I've stopped eating." and actually mean it, because I cannot lose out.
I cannot believe I was unable to reach my goal yesterday. I hate myself.
I sound sick, but I know I'm not. At least I had a full dinner yesterday and maybe that's where everything went wrong.
Strawberries.
Monday, May 17, 2010
337. @ 8:27 pm
I think I've given up on my expectations towards others - be it miniscule or massive, significant or completely unimportant - because I've learnt the terribly valuable lesson that expectations do nothing but fill my life with lies. Lies I cannot forgive myself for believing in so gullibly, especially after putting in effort after effort to satisfy others but only to realise soon after that they will never do the same for me.
Upon retrospect, I may quite possibly be a lie myself.
336. @ 12:25 am
Each day, I enter into my world of make-believe where food is the enemy, something simple I assume I'll be able to overcome in no time...
... but every day I fall out of fantasy into reality and realise that maybe that foul nemesis won't be very easy to conquer after all.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
335. @ 11:40 pm
Why do you enjoy hurting me so much?
Did I really do something wrong, or do you just enjoy the satisfaction you get from being able to overshadow a lesser being like me?
I think I mask my dejection well.
334. @ 11:10 pm
I think I humour myself most of the time but most of the notions I cook up in my head don't exactly come to past anyway.
333. @ 10:18 pm
I saw that.
332. @ 2:25 pm
I think I turned into Mommy today because I entered the kitchen, noticed the plate and mug and spoons left lying around, caught sight of the bread and tuna packaging not where they were supposed to be, disregarded the fact that I wasn't the one who caused the mess and cleaned everything up out of my own accord.
But then again, maybe I haven't exactly changed because I managed to smoke the microwave oven up, indulged in Pringles instead of vegetables and consumed a lotus paste bun, chocolate, a muffin and an orange-flavoured cake instead of the overload of fruits stacked up in that very convenient thing called a fridge.
331. @ 11:20 am
Bounce to you, bounce to you
내 가슴은 널 향해 잡힐 수도 없을 만큼 뛰고 있는걸
Break it down to you, down to you
내 가슴이 너 널 갖지 못한다면 멈출 거란다 (날 바라봐라)
Friday, May 14, 2010
330. @ 10:02 pm
"A relationship will not work until a guy understands everything his girlfriend doesn't say."
That's such a witty little quote I'd heard over the radio just a few hours ago.
I wish you could read my mind.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
329. @ 10:12 pm
May I please know what I did to make you angry? Because right now I'm pretty puzzled... and, somehow, the inside of me is slowly dying.
328. @ 10:01 pm
Hello, I wish I could tell you that I get very afraid when you start furiously typing in caps, but...
I think I'm too afraid right now to confess it to you.
-
I hide.
Friday, May 07, 2010
327. @ 11:30 pm
Yayyy! I have a cool mommy who uses Emoji Freeeee in her own adorable way! :)
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
326. @ 10:42 pm
I drink milk directly from the carton... and I'm proud of it *inserts triumphant smile*
-
You're honestly scaring me because I don't really know what you may be thinking about anymore.
325. @ 3:46 pm
Ip Man 2 yesterday was awesome! I cannot emphasise how amazing it was and I realise the need to watch the first one again then beat my record of having watched School of Rock nine times because all of them are now officially on equal ranking as my top three favourite movies. Mommy asked me why I liked the movie after that and I tried critically reviewing it in vain so I'm now going to do it for every book, film or whatsoever to prove my very established full Literature skills.
Ran a good 2km today on the treadmill which is really a great achievement for me considering I haven't been working out since forever and now I am unusually and perpetually thirsty.
Monday, May 03, 2010
324. @ 10:49 am
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:12 (NKJV)
For whom the Lord loves He corrects,
Just as a father the son in whom He delights.
Proverbs 3:13-18
13 Happy is the man who finds wisdom,
And the man who gains understanding;
14 For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver,
And her gain than fine gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
16 Length of days is in her right hand,
In her left hand riches and honour.
17 Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
And all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who retain her.
Proverbs 3:24 (NKJV)
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.
I love God's Word ♥
323. @ 9:14 am
I cried non-stop in my last dream for today but nobody seemed to really notice or care. Maybe that's the reason why I woke up, realised I really did cry and continued sobbing for the next few minutes.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
322. @ 9:14 pm
Because you tell me I'm fat and hopeless, I'm gonna show you that my God who is real and alive loves me enough to be able to prove you wrong.
If I'm a loser, what are you?
321. @ 10:17 am
I sincerely thought you'd actually come to your senses to not want to argue with me anymore but apparently I guess I was wrong.
I think all I can tell you now is to enjoy yourself in everything you do since you so obviously don't want me around anymore. Even if I'm wrong in thinking that way, I'll never know because you'll never want to tell me anyway.
I know I may sound immature and all but, really, don't blame me if our friendship ever comes to a halt because it's not like I'm not trying to sustain it already. Since it's so difficult and you don't seem to wish to cooperate, maybe this was never meant to be in the first place. I don't know what Jesus wants for me but all I know is that he definitely doesn't want me to strive for something I won't be able to achieve so it's all up to you now since nothing I do will change your mindset. I'll leave it to you to decide whether you want us to continue being close... or not.
I'm pretty sure you should know by now that I'm not the kind of person who's patient enough to forgive all of man's errors. I am a very opinionated person but I've been trying my best to seem oblivious to all of your argument starters recently although I don't think you've noticed. Plastering my SMSes with innocent sentences and smiley faces gave me a sense of satisfaction. It made me go, "Yes, Dione. You did a good job by not triggering a quarrel!" Then I realised that it didn't help because you still continued blaming me for everything and I couldn't act nonchalant anymore because I needed to reply you - in case you thought I was ignoring you again. I still don't understand what I say that keeps pissing you off.
I thought you were mature enough to understand the I-don't-wish-for-my-bill-to-explode-again thing but I figured I overestimated your capabilities. This week was tough - really tough - because of school work, spending the most part of my birthday alone, teachers who didn't understand and annoying things I discovered yesterday. I don't know if you helped.
I have a breaking point and I don't want it to come soon. It's all up to you now.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
320. @ 11:26 pm
Sometimes I honestly wish I weren't so smart because it really sucks when I figure out things I wish I were actually stupid enough not to know in the first place.
319. @ 11:04 pm
Sorry, I shouldn't have typed all that nonsense
because my greatest mistake was to sound exactly like you :)
318. @ 10:58 pm
This is Jesus in His glory
King of heaven dying for me
It is finished, He has done it
Death is beaten, heaven beckons me
:)