Friday, April 09, 2010
302. @ 11:40 pm
I see. It's crystal clear to me now. Nothing I say ever gets into your head. My words, they're just like water - flowing in and out of every possible nook and cranny, disregarded and taken advantage of at every opportunity, used, then abandoned as if it was never important in the first place.
Today, I broke down because I finally felt the pressure crushing down on me but nobody cared and nobody tried to help because nobody understood how much their words hurt. The nags just made everything worse so I tried to seek comfort in the newspapers and my bed. I realise that the only person I can truly turn to is Jesus. I choose not to confide in anybody else because I don't want my time to be wasted. That's something I've been privileged enough to learn from first-hand experience.
I am unworthy and absolutely self-centred just because I try to be amicable. I talk and I make you sad, angry and someone who perpetually ignores me so my mouth is sealed from now onwards. I don't know how I'm gonna achieve that but it's just gonna have to be done because I don't want to stay a bitch forever. I should never wallow in self-pity anymore because nobody will bother anyway no matter how hard I try to seek for attention. I am a flirt. I admit it because I fulfill the definition in your dictionary: I talk to guys. Yes, only I am one because, even though everybody else does the same thing, they're not me. They're not the same. They are pure and clean. I am filthy.
Today, after all the worries I foolishly stored inside of me, I couldn't stop laughing. I think I'm going crazy but it doesn't matter. I laughed so hard the food I stuffed into my petite body which was then churning inside my stomach almost reached the tip of my oesophagus. I hiccuped.
But the laughter was all a facade, I think you should know, because this post is imperfect. At least it's much more immaculate compared to me and my ugly, fat face. You are perfect and therefore do not deserve me as a friend. I advise you to forget me completely so that you'll never have to get hurt again. I am a flirt and you should stay away from me - as far as you possibly can.
Face it - I will never be able to fit into your pretty little notion of the ideal best friend.