Tuesday, October 20, 2009
148. @ 6:09 pm
I think people who are too direct are scary because they're the kind of people who really motivate me to become anorexic and have suicidal thoughts. I can't believe I actually have 'friends' like these... talk about Godly counsel.
On the other hand, I have a feeling I mix around with people who ironically do things solely for their own benefit because they don't care about how people like me really feel. I'm honestly upset about it because this is something I just found out a few seconds ago which makes me feel like my life has been wasted meeting acquaintances like you. I'd sincerely thought of you as a better friend but I guess that whole facade of you is plainly and completely fake. You will never understand my disappointment and fury right now as I am typing this because you probably don't even care since I'm now facing a problem and just because you got your answer and can now act as if you've been doing your work just to curry favour you decide to stop SMSing me and help me in this time of need even though you know what my real intention and dilemma are. Thank you, friend. Thanks a lot. I don't need you in my life so please don't encourage me to disfigure your face the next time I see it. I may be seeing you tomorrow (I will make sure I do no matter how much you don't want to see me since I'm probably a real threat to your very vital position) so perhaps you will not want to show up. Your face... it's too beautiful.
You know, I don't even know why I'm doing this because I feel like I'm wasting my life now but at the same time everything is just pouring out. I've been tolerating you for one and a half years now and I've been trying to see the good in you this whole time. We've been through both good and rough times but you don't even intimidate me one bit when we're having a conflict. I can't understand why you're gaining so much favour but I guess Daddy works in a different way which I may never understand. However, I believe that what He's doing right now is the best thing for me because He's helping me realise that people like you seriously don't deserve amazing friends like me. I'm not even backstabbing you now because I'm just typing the truth and what I really think of you.
If you ever read this (considering you probably don't even step into this realm of righteousness), please don't assume that I'm talking about you even though you may be absolutely sure I am. Come ask me about it if you dare since you already have so many back-ups. For all you know, you may just intimidate me this once and your dream of me running away and never coming back may come true. I don't need to associate with you to survive. In fact, I think I'd be much better off without you because you make me angry everytime I catch sight of you. Trust me, it's automatic because I can't even explain why. You still haven't replied me albeit I believe that the question I'd asked you earlier was extremely important. I'll probably just conclude that you don't want to see me tomorrow. I laugh. I don't want to see you either.
Stop trying to appear pathetic and gain sympathy from others because it's not even working for me although I've witnessed it many times. Crying isn't going to get you very far. I may just kill myself after tomorrow. I think that'll make you happier. You should go die now and end both of our misery.
Bitch.